Probably No Light Type...

WE HAVE FOUR NEW POKEMON!

One of them, however, seems to disprove the existence of a Light typing. See the little yellow guy? He's Electric/Normal, and is the Generation Pokemon. As in generating electricity. No doubt light as well. I believe because of him, we won't be seeing a Light type at this point. Sure, it doesn't prove anything, but that guy's about as light as they come.

The others I'm in favor of. I love the Fighting panda, and the Grass Gogoat is kinda cool, especially since you can ride it. The robin... I see it as the odd one out in this image. I firmly feel that it's this region's national bird, like Pidgey or Pidove. The fact that it can learn Flame Charge does inspire some hope in me that its final form won't just be a boring Normal/Flying type again, like so many others.

The panda is adorable, but as I was talking about Spinda before, I can't help but feel that this panda is too close to what real pandas look like. Spinda is a clear exaggeration, but this guy... well, hopefully he'll evolve into something as cool as he is cute.

You can ride Gogoat. Which is why I've been calling it Gogoat. Aside from being its name, you can go on the goat, which I'm fascinated with. Can we expect more rideable Pokemon? I hear you can only ride on it in the main city, which is fine, but disappointing. Not much is known about the city, but as far as I can tell, it's involved with a marketplace.

More news: You can customize your trainer, giving them different skin and hair colors. This makes sense, especially given a previous image of the male trainer looking at a mirror. I welcome this feature, even if this is as far as it goes.

Back to the Electric/Normal Pokemon. So this might mean that Light isn't a type, but it's not conclusive. But if they wanted to make a Light type, this Pokemon would have been a great opportunity. They could still do it, but I don't think so. Besides, it's too much of a game-changer. Where were Arceus' Light plates? Would Flash becoming a Light type really change anything? For that matter, can you think of that many Light type moves to fight with?

Sound could still work. The fact that there's an ability protecting from Sound-based moves, not to mention the many Sound-based Pokemon like the Whismur family, Chatot, and Meloetta, all of which are at least part Normal type, means that Sound isn't too far off.

Next time, hopefully, we'll get more insight on X & Y. Maybe something bigger can be revealed.

3D Spinda

So Pokemon is going into 3D, huh? Well, that should be cool. Yep, very cool.

Spinda can't be the same.

I thought about it. Spinda has over 4 billion different spot patterns. More with shiny. So tell me that it'll be possible to fully incorporate that into the game. Tell me that.

It can't. Spinda was always able to be cheap. It didn't move for most of Generation III, but in Emerald, it just jumped a little, not turning its head. Same with the fourth generation.

In Gen V, it wobbled constantly. Even though full animation was possible, it didn't spin. That would be more effort. And in spin-offs, Spinda didn't have any spot differences.

So with Gen VI, having full 3D graphics would complicate things. Spinda would be a nuisance to animate. Especially because of this fact:

NO ONE CARES ABOUT SPINDA.

I'm sure someone would complain if they removed its identity by giving one general spot pattern, but who seriously uses Spinda? No, really, name me someone who uses Spinda. I will slap them.

So X & Y will have "well over 700 Pokemon". Whether that means we'll get a typical even-numbered generation amount or not (Johto has 100, while Sinnoh has 107, so this could be, like, 110) has yet to be seen. What I can tell you is that this will surely take a toll on the animators.

So would Spinda be worth it? Should they drop Spinda's gimmick? It's not even that good. I mean, certainly fascinating, but not even a little useful.

That having been said, 3D Pokemon is a bit... well, I think this series can't go on forever. Obviously not. A thousand Pokemon would be too complicated. Everytime someone who used to play Red and Blue asks, "How many Pokemon are there now?", I tell them. And they always go into shock.

Let's face it. Not all Pokemon are good. Spinda, naturally, being a prime example. Pure gimmick. So is it worth it to complicate an already complex game? Because it IS complicated. Unova alone had 649 Pokedex entries, plus more shadows and animations. Not to mention, animating the sleep effect. Can you imagine how hard it must be to work on Pokemon, especially the new games? It must be Hell on Earth.

Personally, I say it's time to make things easier for the programmers. They have to animate all sorts of new effects. It's gotta be tough.

By the way, I got speaking lessons. I don't use "ain't" anymore. Anyway, next time we'll talk about something else. Maybe the anime.

Mewtwo To You Too

So ya probably heard about this, if ya is a real Pokemon fan, born an' raised since the Nineties forced us ta be men, not pansies.

Mewtwo... got a... new form? Clone? Cousin? I ain't the one ta tell ya if it's what or not, but I AM gonna tell ya how I feel.

Since Kanto, the money generation, people have held the first 151 with high regard. Ya can't mess what ain't broke, they sez. None, I gotta say, more than Mewtwo. Ya mess with him, ya get Hell ta pay.

Now me, I ain't a stickler for that gen. I can adapt pretty well, since, as I said, I ain't a pansy.

But I'm startin' ta see a trend with these "announcements"...

Gen 6 Starters: "What will they evolve into? I hope Fennekin ain't a damn fightin' evo again!"
Gen 6 Legendaries: "What typings are they? Are they new typings?"
Gen 6 Eeveelution: "That ain't no particular Eevee typing ta me! What's its deal anyhow?"
Gen 6 Mewtwo: "Whazzat? A new form? A clone? Whatever Phione is ta Manaphy?"

See a trend? ALLA DEM IS TOO DANG SECRET!

Who's that Pokemon? I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!

I think they's tryin' ta build suspense for this gen. Last gen they couldn't do that, since it ain't a gen with real surprises.

No, really. It ain't. Black characters an' female professor an' a new continent an' TripleRotation battles ain't surprises.

Unknown Eeveelution typing? The suspense of Fennekin's fate? Mewtwo's future? It ain't clear. An' every time we got a question, they bring out an even harder one.

Me, I gotta say, it's brilliant. What marketin' ideas have done this so well? You get excited for the new game! Not even the title makes sense! Black 'n' White, it's easy ta guess that ideals are countering. But X an' Y? I ain't got a clue!

For now, just enjoy the ride that Pokemon is puttin' ya through. An' don't go on forums ta figger it out. It never works.

Next time we'll talk about what I wanna. I really hope it ain't somethin' dumb, like, "New Deoxys form!" Ugh.

Ninfia: The Ribbon Type Pokemon

So if you're me, ya already heard about Eevee's new frou-frou evolution. I ain't got no words for this beast except...

NEW POKEMON EVOLUTIONS CONFIRMED!

That's alright by me. Maybe it'll finally give us Luvdisc's reason to exist. Nah, probably it ain't gonna.

So this patootie is none other than Ninfia. I ain't got a clue, though, what type it is. Everyone's got a theory, lots of 'em are crackpot ideas.

Me? I think it's Normal. Others say Flying. An' others say "Magic", but I ain't gonna believe in a magic type.

I can tell ya what it AIN'T. Steel, Rock, an' Poison. Cross 'em off yer lists.

Speakin' of types, some folks believe Xerneas an' Yveltal are Light an' Sound.

I ain't gonna doubt it. I think it makes too much sense. If that's so, then maybe Ninfia CAN be Magic. But here's why I ain't think so:

1. Magic is just Psychic. It ain't nothing but that. Plus, Magic is also Ghost. Think about it, ain't ya?

2. Magic is too dang vague. Ya can make any Pokemon "Magic". Clefairy? Magic! Togepi? Magic! Pikachu? Hey, MAGIC. I ain't able to shoot thunder from my butt. I calls it like I sees it: Magic.

3. Magic ain't got any basis. Types like Fire an' Water mean they got the power of fire an' water. Psychics got power of mind. But Magic means that they can do anything. They can use ANY power. And that ain't fair. Even Normal types can't use some moves!

So I ain't trustin' Magic. Space, though, might be. After all, it got stars as an attack.

We'll see! But Gamefreak, this is a cruel prank on us! Leafeon is obviously a Grass Pokemon! Why can't Ninfia be obvious too?

Finally, evolution method. I say this: Eevees usually are more male than female. So why not make it evolve into Ninfia as a female only? I dunno, sounds legit.

That's all for today. Tune in next time, an' maybe Luvdisc will get an evolution.

Pokemon X and Y

I coulda sworn it was gonna be Pokemon Volcano Ruby an' Pokemon Ocean Sapphire! They even had items that ain't got no use in-game! But nope! It was all a joke!

Instead, we got somethin' better: Pokemon X an' Pokemon Y.

I ain't got a 3DS, but this is gonna make me get one. Hey, I got practically a year before I need it! I can geddit before October!

The best thing to do is analyze what we know so far. So I'm gonna start with the names. The freakin' names.

"X" an' "Y" don't make no good names for Pokemon games. The color scheme worked, an' I get why they'd drop it finally, but X an' Y are too generic to actually find with ease! Like "N".

Plus, it don't make much sense. Is it a math Pokemon game this time? I can say that Pokemon Black an' White ain't black an' white. See? 'Cause the game talks about conflictin' ideas. So why X an' Y?

LEGENDARIES, THAT'S WHY.

They ain't gave us no names yet, but don't they both look like Y? I gotta say, I'm glad to get rid of the Dragon legendaries. They was too much.

They also ain't the only Pokemon revealed. We also get the starters! AWESOME! So let's look at 'em!

Already failed! It's just Oshawott repackaged! I gotta say though, it's nice that the Grass starter ain't a frickin' reptile like every generation ever.

This got promise! It don't look like no Fighting type, nor a Journey to the West guy! I like him!

This I'm gonna get. I always got a soft spot for frogs, like the Poliwags an' Seismitoad. Plus, he's cute an' got ruffles! That's alright by me!

Then there's the graphics. Some don't like it. I do. I like it a lot. It's got promise for a new generation with possibilities.

Which is my problem with Pokemon X an' Y. Black an' White never stood a chance. We never got games that makes us care enough outside of the main line. Magnagate? Not even all of the Pokemon from Gen 5. Pokepark? Not interested.

It's also real soon. Not even five years go by an' this comes out? What a world!

But I'm excited for the games. Hopefully there's actually new mechanics or I'll just be the Peeved Professor. Next time I'll talk about what I wanna. You don't gotta tune in, but you miss out that way.

Religion in Pokemon?

The world of Pokemon is like our world, but freakier. In Unova, they made it MUCH MORE like our world. They got cars, movies, sports, and gay people. No, not Burgh. That hiker at the ferris wheel.

So I ask. I yell it, actually...

IS THERE RELIGION IN POKEMON?

I mean, I don't wanna upset the balance of the series with religion, but it seems likely. They never say "God", but Pokemon like Arceus implies it.

I'm not even gonna touch that "Capturing God in a Pokeball". I ain't that dumb.

It's gotta be hinted at, guys. Take that place in the corner of Hearthome.

THAT IS SO OBVIOUSLY A CHURCH. Not to mention, the people say nothing but religious-like sentences. Also, there's no music. It ain't got no purpose, neither. No one gives you anything useful there. SO WHY IS IT IN THE GAME???

"I like shorts! They're comfy and easy to wear!" - Red and Blue 3:16

Yeah, so I guess there's religion in Pokemon. I'll quit bein' a fan if they ever make Pokemon Protestant and Pokemon Catholic. (The third game would be Pokemon Mormon.)

But it's kinda weird ta think about. Do some people worship Arceus and others Mew? Is Mew Jesus and Arceus God? Would that make Mewtwo the Antichrist? Darkrai'd be the devil, I guess.

Why ain't there a human God? I mean, God ain't human, but if He was really God, He wouldn't be able to GET CAUGHT IN A POKEBALL. Dammit, I couldn't hold back.

Mew just seems to be the true Pokemon God to me. He has more attack-variety since he can learn any TM. Can Arceus? NO. WHAT KINDA GOD IS HE ANYWAY?

Okay, God can't eat, since that'd be silly. So maybe like Him, Arceus is limited in his infinite ways...? HELL IF I KNOW.

Next time we'll talk about what I'd like to talk about. It ain't gonna be about religion.

Space Type: The Final Frontier

Pokemon is running out of type possibilities. There, it's out there!

Last time Pokemon fixed the ol' typing chart was in good ol' Gold an' Silver! Back then, two types meant WORLDS of opportunities!

Now what, though? Think about it. Water has been paired with all of 'em but Fire. Flying's matched up with everything but Fighting. The other types are gonna be paired up sooner or later! You're gonna get screwed, Pokemon people!

So whatcha gonna do about it? Are ya gonna leave it until ya decided ta cancel the franchise?

OR YOU CAN COME UP WITH SOME NEW POKEMON TYPES.

Don't gimme that look. You know they should. What else could they do?

I want a Space type. I can list ya some good type combinations and the resulting Pokemon!

-Space/Rock: Meteor. Yeah, Solrock an' Lunatone, but that ain't never stopped 'em before!

-Space/Fire: Sun. Not Solrock, ya numbnuts! Where are all the sun-based Pokemon? NOT SUNFLORA. IT'S A SUNFLOWER. Name me a Fire-type Sun Pokemon. NOT VOLCARONA. It's like the sun, not literally.

-Space/Dark: BLACK HOLE. WHERE'S A BLACK HOLE POKEMON???

-Space/Ice: Pluto. Yeah, that's right.

Space/Dragon: A SPACE DRAGON. WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE?

I ain't gonna give 'em all to ya like that! I gotta give ya some trouble, Gamefreak!

There's other Pokemon type options, guys! How about Virtual? Porygon exists! So build on that with Virtual-type Pokemon!

"After creating Porygon, we realized the possibilities for new Pokemon were limitless. So we created an email Pokemon. Unfortunately, it evolved into Spamack, a Virtual/Dark type. Despite this error, we didn't give up. We created more Virtual Pokemon, such as Texatule, the Font Pokemon, which is much more impressive than Unown since they can be Tahoma or Arial, not just some stupid letter. We also created the Virtual/Psychic type Innernette, which know what we want by asking it."

Somethin' like that! I dunno how these would be in battle, but it's somethin' to go on! Besides, there's plenty of artificial Pokemon! Castform, Mewtwo, Genesect, maybe Ditto if ya read between the lines, the whole Porygon family...

An' Space type too! Come on! There's the Clefairy family, Elgyem an' Beheeyem, Solrock an' Lunatone, Deoxys, Jirachi, Giratina, Unown... Some of 'em aren't even from the same world!

So don't limit your choices to 17 Pokemon types! Expand! EXPAND! Enjoy!

Next time we'll talk about what I like to talk about, which isn't what you like reading about.